I know what you’re thinking: who runs a bard? Answer: this guy! After running with standard character classes for the past decade and a half (rangers, barbarian fighters, rogues, etc.), I finally took a chance on the bard and fell in love. In fact, my past two characters have been bards and I don’t know if I’ll ever go back. For me, the bard character class takes advantage of what truly excites me about Dungeons & Dragons—creative interactions within the storyline. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had some characters that could deal major damage—and that’s pretty fun, but all of my most memorable gaming moments come from doing something creative that throws the DM a curveball and draws a reaction from everyone at the table and the bardic tactic that I’m about to explain is one of those moments. I call it The Bugs Bunny Maneuver.
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If you’re old enough (like myself), you grew up watching Bugs Bunny cartoons and you invariably saw episodes in which Bugs—ever the trickster—impersonated a woman in order to distract, enthrall and otherwise confuse his dimwitted archnemesis Elmer Fudd. Under the influence of his stimulated libido, Elmer ceases to think clearly and becomes putty in Bugs Bunny’s cunning hands. This creative and gender-bending tactic can also work for you in Dungeons and Dragons and here’s how.
The Setup
While traveling through a wooded area with my two compatriots (any bard worth their salt travels with some muscle), we spied a lone hobgoblin standing in a clearing next to a broken-down carriage with a busted wheel. He hadn’t seen us yet and, with no sign of any other hobgoblins, my partners (a half-dragon cleric and a human crusader) salivated at the prospect of an easy kill. But to me (a 7th level human bard by the name of Roger Sparx), this looked shady… almost certainly an ambush waiting for a mark. This wasn’t my first rodeo. So, I did what any savvy bard would do, I disguised myself as a female—a hobgoblin female to be exact. Curveball.
Here’s what you’ll need: a disguise kit, the alter self spell, some backup muscle (hiding just out of sight), some luck with the dice and, perhaps most importantly, the dedication to role play the scenario.
Positioning ourselves on the other side of a large boulder at the edge of the clearing, I used my disguise kit in conjunction with the alter self spell to put on my best hobgoblin female impression. Whispering a quick prayer to Fharlanghn, I then sashayed out from the cover of the large boulder and into the clearing making sure to be within the sightline of the lone hobgoblin while showing a little leg and casting a flirtatious wink. Important note: unless you speak hobgoblin and can conjure up a realistic hobgoblin accent, don’t speak—as doing so will surely cause your illusion to fail.
After faltering on his saving throw to see through my illusion, the hobgoblin (sufficiently aroused enough to forget himself) made haste in my direction. Surely, he had something romantic in mind but, as he drew near, my companions stepped out from behind the boulder and quickly dispatched the poor, flatfooted, hobgoblin.
Encounter complete… right? Wrong. After four additional hobgoblins appeared from the shadows, it became clear that the bard was right–this situation was indeed intended as an ambush. An ambush that failed. Since we were not drawn in and initially surrounded, we were in a much better position to best the remaining hobgoblins in the ensuing fracas.
The party, for their part, got to satisfy their bloodlust while avoiding a potentially hairy ambush and we developed a new counter-ambush technique of our own. Roger Sparx, for his part, was rewarded with a little extra XP by the DM and, most importantly to a bard, he also gained a new tale to tell at the next tavern along his journey. So, to all of my fellow bards, Godspeed and safe travels!
